Signs of a Healthy Co-parenting Relationship

Parenting while staying together can be challenging all on its own. We all have different values and ways of doing things. This process is even more complicated when the parents no longer live together but desire to provide the support and love that their child needs.

According to a study by the U.S. Census Bureau, almost 23% of children in the US under 18 years primarily live with one parent. Some of these households have resorted to co-parenting, which requires commitment in terms of childcare and upbringing and in interacting respectfully with one another as parents.

Co-parenting takes time to establish, and getting a comfortable ground for each person involved may be a bit tricky at first. Parents should be patient with one another when co-parenting, as this is a process that can be improved daily as a balance is sought.

What are the Signs that your co-parenting relationship is healthy?

Co-parenting is said to be effective and healthy when two parents who do not live together raise their children by providing a loving and safe environment for them.

Here are some signs of a healthy co-parenting relationship:

The kid(s) always come first – When both parents agree that the child’s welfare supersedes all else. It becomes easy to ensure that everyone’s effort is directed towards the best outcome for the child.

A sign of a healthy co-parenting situation is where both parents make time to attend important events in the child’s life. They will be within the same space, showing respect and being kind to one another for the sake of the child.

Clear boundaries are established – Co-parenting is made so much easier when boundaries have been made clear. Knowing what is within your control and what is not will help keep each person in check, therefore doing away with uncertainty which creates confusion, especially for the child.

You have a consistent, predetermined schedule – A predetermined routine helps make transitions more manageable and predictable. This is only possible with parents who have reached a healthy communication level, and both can trust that the other parent will keep their end of the bargain.

Flexibility is understood

Life happens! And as much as there is a predetermined schedule in place, there should be room for adjustments should something out of the ordinary come up for one of the parents. Accommodating the other parent when they need it will also allow them to go easy on you in your time of need.

Such flexibility will also help teach the child that people will need to compromise in life. That is a healthy and more effective way of working together.

You help each other make decisions – When you can call the other parent when you want to leave the kid(s) with a sitter, it is a sign of a working co-parenting relationship. This may be seen as a common courtesy, but it is crucial to creating that respectful position between parents.

You get along cordially – While co-parenting, you do not have to agree on everything. But you must be on the same page when it comes to the significant issues that affect the child, such as their health and methods of discipline.

This goes a long way in avoiding controversy, helping the child understand that they can’t get away with something just because they are with a particular parent.

You share mutual respect

Healthy co-parenting requires that you are nice to each other, especially in front of your child.  Kids have a way of seeing and hearing what is going on, even when said in hushed tones.

This way, the child learns how to treat the people in their life, but it also gives them the confidence to know that their parents are in control. A situation of disrespect may get them wondering whether it’s their fault that mom and dad can’t get along.

You keep an open line of communication – When communication is open, honest, and straightforward, it becomes easy to know what is going on, and the child gets access to both parents as and when needed. This ensures that broken lines of communication are avoided at all costs, making for a happier and healthier environment for the child.

You both make time for the kid(s) – Some parents may try to get most of the time with the kids, leaving the other parent with almost nothing. In other cases, one parent may always find an excuse to be away, leaving the other parent with most of the burden of caring for the child.

There should be a balance for a healthy co-parenting relationship to exist. This is the only way the child gets out as the winner in such a situation.   

You don’t manipulate one another – Co-parenting can be tricky, especially when one parent is constantly trying to gain an advantage over the other. Manipulation occurs when the parent uses anything and everything they can think of to control the child’s allegiances. Manipulation can also take place when one parent tries to control the actions of the other parent to gain an unfair advantage.

Recognizing that the child needs to have a great relationship with both parents will help guide both parties to a better co-parenting situation.

Conclusion

Co-parenting can be made so much easier when both parents are practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness means focusing on the present rather than getting caught up in the past and the hurt that was felt back then. Mindfulness also means being less reactive to situations and finding ways to relieve life-related stresses without affecting everyone around you.

Recognizing the importance of each parent in the child’s life and valuing the opportunity for the child to spend time and establish a good relationship with the other parent is crucial. It may be hard at times, but working hard to reach that cordial point will be all worth it in the end!