In the name of some principles supposedly moral, psychological or societal, some women are forbidden to give all their love to a child that they desire, when there are so many unwanted pregnancies and children torn up by their parents’ divorce?
Despite their fear of others’ opinion, which is understandable, the desire to have a child is stronger than anything else for many women. This is why they choose co-parenting, and try to find a donor who will not get involved in the child’s life to proceed with a traditional or artificial insemination (in another country).
This is what websites like CoParents.com provide: register for free and chat with 100,000 registrants to share your project and maybe find the perfect donor!
Co-parenting, not necessarily a choice by default!
Forget about general believes stating that women willing to have a child alone are necessarily the ones who were unlucky and did not meet the prince charming. Of course this occurs, but their reasons should not be questioned. Co-parenting is a true commitment and for this reason, a well-considered choice.
No one in her life and the ticking of her biological clock
It is stated that a lot of women thinking about co-parenting are around 30 years old and are scared to
“miss the boat”. At 35, a woman will see her child leave the house around her 55/60s. It makes them think. But can we blame a woman for not having found the perfect partner before her 30s? No!
A real commitment for life
It takes courage to have a baby alone when it is well-known that society and sometimes friends will be judgmental. Choosing co-parenting is not an impulsive decision but the only response to the question: “Should I refrain myself from giving birth and raising a child that I want more than anything just because I do not have a partner?”
A lot of women hesitate to have a baby alone because of their families and friends’ reaction. This will usually consist of them highlighting the difficulties of raising a child alone and recommending waiting for their significant other. However, co-parenting isn’t necessary a choice by default; it is frequently a well-considered decision.
Why Not Use a Co-Parenting Match?
If you’ve reached a point in your life where you really want to have a child but haven’t been able to in the conventional way then it could be time to look for a co-parent. Co-parenting is very different to choosing to have a baby with a sperm donor as you’ve making the conscious decision to bring another individual permanently into your life. Although they are not involved with you sexually in any way, they share your desire to parent a child.
Finding a co-parent isn’t the most straightforward process which means it can take some time. It’s important you spend time dedicated to finding the right co-parent as they will be in your life for the rest of time. The role of the co-parenting match is to find the perfect partner for you who will fit in with the way you want to raise your child and has the characteristics you deem important for your potential child’s upbringing. The benefits of using a co-parenting match include:
Utilising the expert skills who has made many successful matches in the past
Rather than trawling through hundreds of profiles you can give the co-parenting match your details and they’ll screen to find your ideal matches
Protection against anyone who isn’t in it for the same gain as you and may be threatening or dangerous
I have not found the right partner with whom to have children
This is a frequent conversation amongst women. A recurring theme is that the reason that they are still childless is that they have not yet found the right partner, despite being aware that their biological clock is ticking. Others have a partner who already has their own child(ren) and, as a result, doesn’t want to have any more. Where these women are concerned, co-parenting may appear like a choice by default. However, their desire to become a mother is so strong that these women are willing to consider anything in order to have a baby. Consequently, having a baby alone is an informed choice and the result of long and deep consideration, certainly not something decided on by default! The commitment these women are making is far too significant to use such a term.
I’ve decided to have a baby alone
For some women, the nature of the choice is simple. “I am almost 40 and I have devoted myself to my professional career and others. Now, it’s time to slow down and enjoy the greatest experience of my life.” This is a strong well-considered choice: the choice of conceiving and raising a child on one’s own.
Women who have decided to have and raise a baby alone often find that they are misunderstood and misjudged by their relatives. Most of the time they are between 30 and 40 and their situation doesn’t allow them to start a traditional family: they have not found the perfect partner; or they have but their partner does not want children; or they have not found any donor amongst their friends or close acquaintances.
How to Have a Child Without Living Together
Having a child is a huge decision and an even bigger responsibility. You take control of another human beings life. US Co-parenting from separate households can present a challenge in your personal emotional state, as well as the moods and lifestyle of your child. Here are a few tips to follow in order to maintain a successful co-parenting relationship and healthy atmosphere for your child:
Set YOUR emotions aside:
While it is okay, and natural, to have emotions or negative feelings about this parenting situation, it is important that you do not let your relationships and feeling of the other parent(s) get involved with your relationship with your child. Keep your personal feelings out of the situation and always keep the child’s best interest in mind. Do not talk bad about another parent in front of the child, nor is it ok to encourage favoritism. Let your child come to his conclusions and collect thoughts on his own.
Conflict-free communication is key to a successful partnership. Try to maintain a business like tone, make requests- instead of demands, and LISTEN to the other parent(s). Treat them as if they were your colleague or your partner. Also, it is important to uphold regular and consistent meetings to discuss progress, problems and concerns you each have involve your child.
Parenting as a team:
It is in the child’s best interest to have consistency and similar expectations between households. You will want to maintain similar rules, discipline, and schedules as the other parent(s). Bedtimes, naptimes, mealtimes and bath times should all be the same. It is also a good idea to discuss dietary plans that you would like your child to stick to, to prevent a household full of healthy food and a household full of junk food.
Is technology in co-parenting the best way to co-parent more efficiently, or is it the lazy parents’ way out?
In the era of smartphones, apps and technology coming out of your eyeballs, one of the most common phrases you’ll hear as a response to your problems is: “There’s an app for that!”
And there really is. When co-parenting 50/50, you’re bound to be stressed out, tired and generally quite run down when the baby is with you. You might not be sleeping properly for worrying whether the baby is ok, you might be woken every few hours with crying and unable to settle the baby again. Well the good news is, there are apps for these problems. You just have to decide whether it is the way you want to share your parenting.
Mimo is a new technology from Rest Devices, designed to give parents peace of mind when your baby is sleeping. Mimo’s organic cotton onesies are fitted with non-contact machine washable sensors that measure a baby’s respiration, and much more. When paired with the Turtle device, data about your baby’s skin temperature, body position and activity level will be sent straight to the app on your smartphone, so that you can rest easy knowing that your baby is settled, while you are still in your own bed.
And while you know that your baby is safely settled in bed, that last thing you want to happen is for them to wake up, cry, and be unable to settle once again. That’s what Cry Translator comes in. Designed by Biloop Technology, Cry Translator comes both in app form and as a handheld device, and helps parents to interpret infant crying, analysing the crying sounds and translating to one of five possible states: sleep, stress, hunger, discomfort and boredom. Not only that, but added capabilities allow the device to play maternal heart beating and lullabies to the infants, enabling you to respond adequately and rapidly to your child’s needs.
Using technology to assist with your share of the parenting may be just the thing you were looking for, but is it right for you, your co-parent and, most importantly, your baby?
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