[stelmo83]

#3891

I am getting ready to move forward with a co-parenting arrangement with someone and we are both heterosexual singles. I want to bring up the issue of whose last name the baby will have. It has already been agreed to that I will be listed on the birth certificate. Does anyone have any advice or any first-hand experience with this delicate issue?

[doval]

#10217

Surnames are a rich and varied topic. In Latin countries, children generally bear their father’s surname first then their mother’s (with grandparents’ surnames sometimes thrown in). Tibetans have no surnames. A Tibetan may have one, two, or three names, which are often unisex but may be completely different from other family members. Some married couples give the mother’s maiden name as the child’s middle name. I have a niece who’s first and middle names are her maternal and paternal grandparents’ maiden names, respectively.

Between consenting adults, it’s up to the parents whose surname(s) appears on the birth certificate and in which order. It is perfectly reasonable to request that both names appear together, with or without a hyphen. The conventional thinking is that when both parents’ surnames are used, the man’s name usually goes first, then the woman’s. But there is no need to follow convention. If it is important to you that your name appear first, then you definitely need to make sure you are both in agreement on that point. If the order doesn’t matter to you, then you can leave it up to the other parent, come to a mutual agreement, or flip a coin. My business partner and I used a coin flip to decide the order of names for our business.

[alex11]

#10219

Why is this an “issue” if you already have an agreement?

[ash876]

#10287

Why not do a hyphenated surname eg David Lee-Brown? So that way the child has both your names.

[jaeann]

#10394

Just because my child has a hyphenated name, the seems like the thing to do.. do not do it. It is a pain in the ass.
It causes problems in school, at dr’s office, anywhere they need to find records, its a hassle and gives them a huge last name.

Agree upon a last name… and go with it.
For me, if I am agreeing with a man, I feel the child should traditionally have his last name, unless for some reason, it was super important to me, that the child should have mine. I think its something you should communicate in depth about if it is important to you.

[Author]

Posts