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Support for Prospective Co-parent
Hello,
I am a gay male who is seeking to become a father and co-parent with a woman who shares similar values to me. I wanted to write to everyone to ask how those of you who have been successful with the co-parenting process managed to find support. I feel I have certain doubts and concerns, and I definitely don’t have the sense of comfort with my family to tell them my plans to co-parent with a woman. My closest friends are supportive, but they really don’t know what to say and can’t help me in any way because they have no information about this. I’ve seen some negative opinions about this approach to parenting, which honestly surprised me. It also makes me uneasy to not be able to talk openly with my parents about parenthood. I feel my family would think I wasn’t thinking things through or that it is a questionable course of action to take. I don’t really know when a person is supposed to feel 100% ready to be a parent. What I do know is that I want a child so that I can hopefully help them grow into a great adult, and I want to do that with the help of a woman who can be a mother and co-parent. I’d like some insight and opinions. This certainly makes me nervous because to me finding a parent feels so much more significant than online dating for love. I have some questions below, please feel free to respond to any or all. It would help me a lot
1) How supported did you feel by your family, friends, local community before and while co-parenting?
2) How did your family respond/feel? Did their perspective or attitudes change afterwards?
3) How were you able to find a co-parent that was “the one”?
4) What concerns did you have and how did you handle them?
5) Were you able to speak to your co-parent about your flaws and hang-ups openly? (I am definitely not perfect and would want to be honest but I feel it could make finding someone harder?? Or is it easier??)
6) How many potential co-parents did you speak to or meet up with before finding your true co-parenting match?Thank so much everyone
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3 Replies
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I am a lesbian woman looking for the same, I am in a relationship but we “you and I” would be the main parent figures. Where are you located?
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Hi cvcv00
You have written the best forum post I have ever read. I wish you absolutely all the best in finding a woman who is just as great as you appear to be, and help you to raise your children to be great people too. I totally understand exactly what you mean when you say that your friends don’t know what to say – and how difficult it is to talk to your parents also. Other people can and will have opinions, and they’ll all be different. You need to do what you want to do, and feel is the right thing to do. I, personally, haven’t been successful in finding a woman who wants to co parent with me – although living in a small country (like I do) means the number of women who want to co parent is very much limited – however, I am not going to give up hope. None of us can ever be ‘ready’ to be parents, as no books, internet, or your family & friends can describe that in the way that you will feel. Being a parent is the greatest thing in the world, but also very life changing – to the better, as ‘your’ perspective on all sorts of things changes hugely. One thing I would be pretty certain about, and that is at the beginning, your parents may struggle with the concept of co-parenting and find it uneasy and’or difficult to deal with, but your child/children will be their grand children, and they will love those kids to the end of the world. Unfortunately, I can’t answer or comment on your other questions, because I haven’t ‘got there’ yet. However, I am an open person, and can talk about anything with anybody, so any potential problems or issues are likely to be able to be worked through, by having decent conversations with the woman.
I hope my comments are of some help to you – and I definitely would like to take this opportunity to wish you all the very best in your search. I am very certain that you will find a woman who has the same (or very similar) morals to you.
Peter
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The original post in this thread is from 2018. I’m interested to know if the original writer has moved forward to co-parent? I’m now in the position this person was in at the time of the 2018 post, so I’m eager to learn of other support resources and his outcomes to date.
T
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