Using a sperm donor to conceive is not a new concept. For decades independent women have been having children without committed fathers in the picture. Women have many reasons for having children this way, and for a long time, most chose to not involve the sperm donor beyond his initial donation. Things are changing and today more women, and even lesbian couples, are choosing to find a sperm donor who also wants to be a father.
I Want My Child to Know Her Father
One reason that women are choosing to use more than an anonymous sample of sperm is the importance of knowing one’s father. This is especially poignant for women that grew up with a single mom. No matter how amazing that mom was, the child has a hole in her life. She may never know her father and half of where she came from. Just because a woman wants to have a child without a romantic relationship does not mean she wants to deprive her child of a father.
Raising a Child Alone is Difficult
There are practical reasons too. Being a single mom is difficult, even for women with the resources to pay for child care or nannies. Parenthood is demanding and having a partner for the process, even a non-romantic partner, can make life so much easier. Many women are choosing to find a platonic partner for the journey that is parenthood.
Raising a Child is Expensive
For some women there are multiple reasons to find a co-parent, but money may be at the forefront. Sitting down to calculate the lifetime expense, or even the yearly cost, of supporting a child, can be excellent birth control. Pooling expenses, as well as other resources, is a benefit of having a co-parent. With two incomes you can be more comfortable knowing you will be able to provide your child with everything she needs, up to and including a college education.
How to Find a Sperm Donor and Co-Parent
If finding a co-parent seems like a good idea, you have a few options. One is to select someone you know, a good friend. There are some benefits to doing this, including knowing your future child’s father. Finding a stranger to parent with can be scary and it’s a comfort to know and like someone before taking this big leap. On the other hand, co-parenting with a friend is risky. If it doesn’t work out, you could lose your friendship.
The other option is to find a stranger for co-parenting. If you go this route, do your homework very carefully. There are websites and social media (Facebook, for example) that will help you connect with someone also looking for a co-parent. Before you commit, get to know this person well. Talk about everything from conception to how to raise a child to make sure you are on the same page. Communication is crucial to being good co-parents and will help you make and raise a wonderful child.