Why Women Choose to Become Surrogate

By Last Updated: 03/21/2023

Becoming a parent is the dream for many people. Unfortunately for some, for instance, gay couples or those with fertility issues that prevent them from having a child on their own, this dream is hard to realise. Gestational surrogacy presents itself as one of the solutions to allow these couples to have a biological baby.

Which raises the question: we can easily understand why couples turn to surrogacy to have a child, but what about surrogates? What motivates them to spend nine months carrying another couple’s baby?


surrogate with gay couple


Money: not the primary motivation

Surrogacy may have been around for thousands of years but a large number of people are still a little suspicious about what motivates women to become gestational surrogates. Many still believe that they do so simply for monetary gain.

Of course, getting paid to carry a child for nine months can be really helpful financially. However, the financial benefits of surrogacy are hardly ever the first and only motivation. Besides, agencies make it clear: money can’t be your only reason for becoming a surrogate.

Surrogates almost always have other motivations. Some women don’t get paid at all, because they go through the process in order to help a friend or family member. For those who are compensated, they usually get between $35,000 and $50,000 per pregnancy to cover drugs, potential bed rest, hospital fees and any other medical expenses, as well as any transportation charges related to the pregnancy.

They can also use this compensation to fund their personal projects, for instance, to finance their own children’s college education or to help them to buy a new house.

Empathy and compassion

The main motivation that leads women to bear somebody else’s child, however, is simply the desire to help those who can’t have a family on their own. Perhaps because they have experienced difficulties becoming pregnant themselves or perhaps because they know someone who is infertile, these women (who are generally mothers) feel compassion for the intended parents and want to support them in their quest to have a biological baby.

Surrogates understand how devastating being infertile and unable to conceive can be. They also understand the strong wish of gay couples to become fathers. They know that infertility and the many obstacles that can prevent people from having a child can sometimes lead to depression or a separation.

This is why surrogate mothers empathize with these couples and offer to help them start a family.

Surrogate mothers enjoy being pregnant

Many surrogate mothers have their own children and have experienced uncomplicated pregnancies. Although pregnancy may feel long and arduous for some, it seems that women who choose to carry the baby of another couple enjoy being pregnant enough that they consider all the extra effort worthwhile.

The injections and the discomfort related to pregnancy (nausea, bed rest, etc) don’t appear to phase them. Seeing the baby growing and giving the gift of life to someone else, is, for these women, a source of immense joy and accomplishment.

There are as many reasons for undergoing surrogacy as there are surrogate mothers. Everyone has their own motivations but finally, thanks to these women, couples can eventually fulfill their dream of becoming parents.

To Tell or not to Tell?

The joy of birth and the wonder of new motherhood and fatherhood perhaps have no comparison in the happiness and pride they bring to new parents. Most couples who want a family are lucky enough to be able to conceive but, as we all know, there are sadly instances where conception remains out of reach because of physical problems or because of the sexual orientation of the prospective parents. Surrogacy and in-vitro fertilisation in the 21st century have not only made the impossible miraculously possible but it is also now becoming very much accepted by western society. However, as much as these technological advances have found a solution to the physical issue, we may have become blinkered to a secondary issue that is now raising its head. How do you tell a child that his or her father was a sperm donor?

As much has society has accepted such methods of conception such as surrogacy, it unfortunately will naturally be tainted with a factor of “not being normal” Children can be brutally wicked with other children who fall outside of the norm and the sacrifice could be bullying, lost self-esteem and a confusion of self-identity.

But both psychology, past evidence with adoption and fostering, and fundamental human rights inform us that the child should have the option of knowing his/her origins. How can anyone travel successfully, confidently and honestly through life without truly understanding where they came from and the elements of their make-up. So maybe the question should not be to tell or not to tell but one of when and how.

The general scientific thoughts are the earlier you tell a child the better. Secrets kept in families can be highly damaging as well as the trauma caused if the secret comes out by accident. If a child is told about their origins in their early formative years they are more likely to be able to adapt to how they entered the world. Also, it is important that the fact is relayed in a positive manner. Sitting your child down one afternoon and preparing them for a deep and dark truth which they need to steel themselves against can only cause trauma.

If you see the surrogacy in a positive light (as I am sure you would if you are the parent) and introduce it to the child in play, casually and generally, the facts are more likely to be easily accepted and understood. Consider putting over the information as a wonderful happening where your child’s birth happened the way it did because she was wanted so much. Not every child is lucky enough to have that much love and respect. In a way you are giving your child the extra confidence he or she will need to stand shoulder to shoulder with her peers in the future.

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  1. Michael 09/15/2023 at - Reply

    I’m in older gentlemen, single like to have at least child to love, raise and carry my name.

  2. Caribe 07/22/2019 at - Reply

    My brother and myself are both older gentlemen, who are also both single. We would like to have at least one child to love, raise and carry our name. Hopefully your company may be a step in the right direction.

  3. surrogac 06/25/2019 at - Reply

    Nice details about surrogate mothers.

  4. Freya 05/04/2018 at - Reply

    Looking for surrogacy as well but it’s not legal in my country

    • Anonymous 04/25/2023 at - Reply

      Which country are you?

  5. Agatha 04/10/2018 at - Reply

    Ive got 4 beautiful children and want to share that experience with someone, Id love to be a surrogate.

  6. Melody 02/27/2018 at - Reply

    Is being a surrogacy mother easy or hard.

  7. pina 02/04/2018 at - Reply

    Hi, I’m writing a book about surrogacy mothers. I’ im italian. I want to talk to somebody that can tell me her experience and motivation. Please, if you want contact me at the mail ***@gmail.com

  8. Eriatu 12/08/2017 at - Reply

    Reach me. I’m ready to be a surrogate mother.

  9. Ricky 10/03/2017 at - Reply

    I would love to be a dad before it is to late I am 54 and my wife can not have any children I feel I am the only hetrosexual man in the world without children at my age I should be a grandpa can anyone help me be a dad please

    • Juliet 04/25/2023 at - Reply

      Yes. I can help you

  10. John 08/30/2017 at - Reply

    I am looking for a surrogate to give me a baby. I am a single man with a girlfriend who will help with care. Please advise.

  11. Traci 06/22/2017 at - Reply


    I have never done this before, but would like to speak to regarding the process as i believe everyone should have a chance to have their own family :)

    Please call me at ***

    Traci Voigt

  12. Cassandra 05/26/2017 at - Reply

    Would like to start a family with my man of 6 years that can’t have kids

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